Depression is when darkness has taken your light.
You are scared.
You are forgotten.
You are alone.
You are hopeless.
You are left with your thoughts.
Which are slowly eating you alive.
This is what depression does to you. It makes you not want to live anymore.
Those people who sit in their rooms at night cry themselves to sleep were once children with light in their eyes and hope in their heart.
When there is no one to turn to, you inflict pain on yourself to cope up. And then the guilt comes in. People judge you. You wear longer sleeves and always hide your arms. Because there is a myth that those who practise self-harm are attention seekers. It’s a trend, they say. And for that you are afraid to share. But trust me, if you are going through the phase, confide in someone you trust. Confide in me if you want me as I’ll never judge you. I have been through that phase too. It’s addictive. It was hard for me to stop. But the people who love me pulled me through that edge. I want you to do the same.
Depression makes you not want to do anything. You are unstable. You lack concentration, motivation. And forgive me if I promised to do something and I didn’t.
“Are you okay?”
No, I am not. Not at all. I’m depressed. I have anxiety. My biggest fear is rejection. I want to tell someone. Maybe I should tell you. I need someone to hug me, tell me it’s all gonna be okay. I want to tell someone, I want to spill out everything. But what if I tell you and reject me? What if you think I’m asking for attention.
“I’m fine, just tired. Thanks though.”
And that’s where we go wrong. We fail to express them. Sometimes, your worst fear do come true. They leave you.
I have no one to turn to. I had friends who loved me but they’re gone. They were with me when no one else was. They were always for me and I failed them. And there’s nothing I can do to deserve their forgiveness. I get it. I deserve all the pain. That’s why I have become this mess. I turned to beer, caffeine, self harm to cope up. To go through pain, I inflicted on them.
Even after they’re gone, you try so hard to get them back. But we can’t. Why do we try so hard for people who don’t try for us?
Trust me, I know how it feels to cry in the shower so no one hears you. I know exactly how it feels.
And if you want anything. I am there. I will be there. I will not judge you. And do confide in people you love and trust.
It’s the same game we’re all living in. Different levels. Different Devils. We need to beat this game.
Look at your cuts, burns. Or those bruises you gave yourself. Each one is battle with yourself. That you lost.
Depression, cutting is not a joke. It’s underrated, overlooked and mocked. What people need to learn is that this problem needs to be solved. It’s not a fashion statement, trend or a joke.