I was going through some blogs, where they shared their traumatic experiences of childhood. Reading those, an old memory of mine resurfaced. I suppressed my memory of one traumatic experience I had when I was around 7-8 years old. It’s been 10 years and I was successful in keeping this particular memory of mine hidden from everyone and from myself too. Today, it resurfaced and I want to share it with all of you.
The person I am today is because of this memory.
I was around 7 years old and our nuclear family visited my cousin’s house. I wasn’t familiar with them or the house or the neighbourhood. I was really chatty child. I was vibrant, cheerful and very social. My cousin sister was almost of same age as mine. She offered to me, “Hey, let’s go play outside with my friends!” As I was quite the energetic child, I ran with her to play outside in their neighbourhood. Apparently, her friends were boys of various ages. The oldest was around 12 or 13.
I don’t remember what we played or how we played. The memories are still foggy to me. I am far too good to suppress memories like they never existed.
But I remember running for my life. I remember running from the boys because I had seen they were rough with girls. And I didn’t want myself to be probed by them. I remember screaming, “Stop. I don’t want to play anymore.” And they didn’t pay heed to me. They continued to run after me. I was screaming and running. I wasn’t familiar with their neighbourhood and I lost my way. I found a shop and took shelter there. I pleaded the woman running the shop, “Save me. Please.” She merely laughed when the boys found me in the shop. She shooed me away. I ran from the back door. I ran and ran until I found my cousin’s home. I entered her house and locked myself in a spare room of theirs. I cried. I cried hard. Then I wiped my tears and I came out of the room and greeted my parents, aunts and uncles with a smile pretending nothing ever happened. Then, I locked myself away from this world.
I became what I am today because of this traumatic experience. I stopped meeting new people. I avoided making friends of opposite gender. I stopped going out of my house.
I realised, in this cruel world. It is always your fault.
- Even if you say, “No.” They will not stop.
- Even if you say, “Save me.” They will not save you.
People will blame me for this incident as I was the one who said “yes” to play with them.
Because that’s what people do.
- Just because you agreed for a date, doesn’t mean you are allowing for a roofie.
- Just because you are wearing bold dresses, doesn’t mean you are asking for it.
- Just because you say “yes” for sex, doesn’t mean you are allowed to go rough and not stop when she’s hurt.
Say “Stop” when you’re hurt. And stop when one is hurt.
I am going to hurt many sexist people out there but I really don’t give a flying fudge.
~ Ankita Brahma, the girl who never recovered. ⚡️